I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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