I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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