Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
