Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
