she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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