Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
