there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
