its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I touched a dick in church today
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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