my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize