My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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