my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
