is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
