Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize