You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
