i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the day after is always just damage control
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
