College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It was confusing and full of hummus
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
