it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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