what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize