you win again, gameday.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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