I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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