his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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