If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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