I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
