I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
