I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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