I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
