i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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