so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
