Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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