my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
