Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
