Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
