How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
