Having a random hookup so left but love u
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
