FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
