remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
