An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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