Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
