So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
