Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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