I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
