If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
