I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
