How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is it because I queefed?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
