and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You are a genius and a whore.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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