These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
