I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
