3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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