smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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