shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize