Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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