yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
