never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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