Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
