i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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