do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize