Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
