Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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