its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize