i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
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