"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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