i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
