the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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