I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
