Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We have so much sex to catch up on
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
