you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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