Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
