i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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