I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
