My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
