First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
