My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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