You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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