one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
