I feel like abortions should bother me more
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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