Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
