We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
