you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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