Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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