It was confusing and full of hummus
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
