I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
