who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
