Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
