Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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