Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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