I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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