You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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