you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
