During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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