Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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