saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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