no you cant smoke seaweed
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
