My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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