Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Randomize