We named our party play list daddy issues
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
be right there i have to get my cape
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
