New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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