Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
