She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My liver just had a heart attack.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
