I feel great
I just peed on a car
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
